BUM DEAL: Jake Lassiter Legal Thrillers Read online

  Contents

  Books By Paul Levine

  Authors' Note: “CHEATER’S GAME”

  -1- Bedroom Games

  -2- The Sunny Side of Justice

  -3- Los Tres Amigos

  -4- Little Gold Handcuffs

  -5- Who Is This Guy?

  -6- The Beast in All of Us

  -7- The Pursuit of Happiness

  -8- Well and Faithfully Perform

  -9- Into the Light

  -10- The Flop-Sweat Stink of Guilt

  -11- The Prescription

  -12- The Chickee Hut Shrink

  -13- You Are the Cat

  -14- Marching Orders

  -15- On a Clear Day, You Can See Bimini

  -16- Bloody Hands

  -17- The Doctor and His Verbs

  -18- Uxoricidal Rage

  -19- A Woman of a Million Moods

  -20- The Unasked Question

  -21- Let’s Make a Deal

  -22- Three Million Buckaroos

  -23- The Happiness Quotient

  -24- The Unsworn Lie

  -25- The Titanic, Burning Coal, and Me

  -26- Lawyers Hungry as Locusts

  -27- Gator Shit

  -28- The Timeline

  -29- The Titty Trap

  -30- Amber, Autumn, Venus, and Delilah

  -31- Blowing Smoke

  -32- Of Spitting and Pissing

  -33- The Essence of Partnership and Love

  -34- >Ethics 101

  -35- Best Friends Forever… or for a While

  -36- Mindfulness for Dummies

  -37- The Fall Guy

  -38- The Lion in Winter

  -39- The Rabbi, the Minister, and the Disbarred Judge

  -40- How Many Women?

  -41- The Curvy Ethical Road

  -42- Tar and Feathers

  -43- Dirty Money

  -44- The Third Plane

  -45- The Sword of Justice

  -46- Dream Witness

  -47- Pedantic Semantics

  -48- Natural-Born Persecutor

  -49- A Trout in the Tub

  -50- Ready, Willing, and Able

  -51- Salacious Evil

  -52- Two Prophecies Fulfilled

  -53- Last Rodeo

  -54- Infusion Confusion

  -55- A Tale of Two Calls

  -56- Proving the Lie

  -57- The Facts, Ma’am

  -58- Stab Me Again, Corky

  -59- Cloudy with a Chance of Shit Storms

  -60- Shrunk

  -61- A Church, Not a Circus

  -62- Star Witness

  -63- Shock and Awe

  -64- Disorder in the Court

  -65- Cosmic Questions

  -66- The Isles of Hidden Loot

  -67- Body Heat

  Sneak Preview - “CHEATER’S GAME”

  Prologue: Road Fury

  Chapter One: Generation Z Trauma

  Chapter Two: The Doctor Is In

  Books By Paul Levine

  About The Author

  BOOKS BY PAUL LEVINE

  JAKE LASSITER SERIES

  “Jake Lassiter is great fun.”

  —New York Times

  “Lassiter is attractive, funny, savvy and brave.”

  —Chicago Tribune

  “Take one part John Grisham, two parts Carl Hiaasen, throw in a dash of John D. MacDonald, and voila! You’ve got Jake Lassiter.”

  —Tulsa World

  TO SPEAK FOR THE DEAD: Linebacker-turned-lawyer Jake Lassiter begins to believe that his surgeon client is innocent of malpractice...but guilty of murder. An Amazon Number One Bestselling Legal Thriller.

  NIGHT VISION: After several women are killed by an Internet stalker, Jake is appointed a special prosecutor, and follows a trail of evidence from Miami to London and the very streets where Jack the Ripper once roamed. An Amazon Number One Bestseller in both the Serial Killer and International Crime categories.

  FALSE DAWN: After his client confesses to a murder he didn't commit, Jake follows a bloody trail from Miami to Havana to discover the truth.

  MORTAL SIN: Talk about conflicts of interest! Jake is sleeping with Gina Florio and defending her mob-connected husband in court. Then the hubby gets homicidal. Winner of the John D. MacDonald Fiction Award and an Amazon Number One Bestseller in Mysteries.

  RIPTIDE: Jake Lassiter chases a beautiful woman and stolen bonds from Miami to Maui.

  FOOL ME TWICE: To clear his name in a murder investigation, Jake follows a trail of evidence that leads from Miami to buried treasure in the abandoned silver mines of Aspen, Colorado. An Amazon Number One Bestselling Legal Thriller.

  FLESH & BONES: Jake falls for his beautiful client even though he doubts her story. She claims to have recovered "repressed memories" of abuse...just before gunning down her father

  LASSITER: Jake retraces the steps of a model who went missing 18 years earlier...after his one-night stand with her.

  LAST CHANCE LASSITER: In this prequel novella, young Jake Lassiter has an impossible case: he represents Cadillac Johnson, an aging rhythm and blues musician who claims his greatest song was stolen by a top-of-the-charts hip-hop artist.

  STATE vs. LASSITER: This time, Jake is on the wrong side of the bar. He’s charged with murder! The victim? His girlfriend and banker, Pamela Baylins, who was about to report him to the authorities for allegedly stealing from clients. Nominated for the Shamus Award and an Amazon Number One Bestselling Mystery.

  BUM RAP: Lassiter defends Steve Solomon in a murder case…and tries not to fall for Victoria Lord. An Amazon Number One Overall Bestseller and Number One Bestseller in Legal Thrillers.

  BUM LUCK: After clearing a guilty client, a despondent Lassiter threatens to kill the man. Did Jake suffer one too many concussions playing football? All signs point to the fatal disease CTE.

  BUM DEAL: With his CTE symptoms growing worse, Lassiter switches teams and prosecutes a murder case. There’s just one problem…or maybe three: no evidence, no witness, and no body.

  CHEATER’S GAME: Lassiter matches wits with the mastermind behind the college admissions scandal in a longshot effort to keep his nephew Kip out of prison.

  SOLOMON vs. LORD SERIES

  Nominated for the Edgar, Macavity, International Thriller, Shamus, and James Thurber awards.

  "Remarkably fresh and original with characters you can't help loving and sparkling dialogue that echoes the Hepburn-Tracy screwball comedies. A hilarious, touching and entertaining twist on the legal thriller."

  —Chicago Sun-Times

  SOLOMON vs. LORD: Trial lawyer Victoria Lord, who follows every rule, and Steve Solomon, who makes up his own, bicker and banter as they defend a beautiful young woman, accused of killing her wealthy, older husband. An Amazon Number One Bestselling Legal Thriller. Nominated for the Macavity Mystery Award and James Thurber Humor Prize.

  THE DEEP BLUE ALIBI: Solomon and Lord come together – and fly apart – defending Victoria’s “Uncle Grif” on charges he killed a man with a speargun. It’s a case set in the Florida Keys with side trips to coral reefs and a nudist colony where all is more –and less – than it seems. Nominated for the Edgar Allan Poe Award and an Amazon Number One Bestseller in Mysteries.

  KILL ALL THE LAWYERS: Just what did Steve Solomon do to infuriate ex-client and ex-con “Dr. Bill?” Did Solomon try to lose the case in which the TV shrink was charged in the death of a woman patient? An Amazon Number One Bestselling Mystery and nominated for the International Thriller Writers Award.

  HABEAS PORPOISE: It starts with the kidnapping of a pair of trained dolphins and turns into a murder trial with Solomon and Lord on opposite sides after Victoria is appointed a special prosecuto
r, and fireworks follow!

  STAND-ALONE THRILLERS

  IMPACT: A commercial jet crashes in the Everglades. Is it negligence or terrorism? When the legal case gets to the Supreme Court, the defense has a unique strategy: Kill anyone, even a Supreme Court Justice, to win the case. An Amazon Number One Bestseller in Hard-Boiled Mysteries.

  BALLISTIC: A nuclear missile, a band of terrorists, and only two people who can prevent Armageddon. A “loose nukes” thriller for the 21st Century.

  ILLEGAL: Down-and-out lawyer Jimmy (Royal) Payne tries to re-unite a Mexican boy with his missing mother and becomes enmeshed in the world of human trafficking and sex slavery. An Amazon Number One Bestseller in Legal Thrillers.

  PAYDIRT: Bobby Gallagher had it all and lost it. Now, assisted by his 12-year-old brainiac son, he tries to rig the Super Bowl, win a huge bet…and avoid getting killed. An Amazon Number One Bestseller in Sports Fiction and Organized Crime Thrillers.

  For more information and to purchase Paul Levine’s novels, please visit his AUTHOR PAGE.

  2020 edition

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Text copyright © 2018 by Nittany Valley Productions, Inc.

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without express written permission of the publisher.

  Published by Herald Square Publishing

  ISBN: 978-1-7342510-1-2

  Cover design by Damonza

  Printed in the United States of America

  AUTHOR’S NOTE: “CHEATER’S GAME”

  A Kindle Unlimited Title

  Jake Lassiter Tackles the College Admissions Scandal

  Order Now!

  “Cheater’s Game” dives deep into the true-to-life college admissions scandal with an explosive federal trial that rocks the courthouse.

  Suffering brain damage from his days as a football player, Jake Lassiter says goodbye to the courtroom…until his nephew Kip desperately needs his help. Kip has been working with millionaire Max Ringle in a shady scheme to help rich, entitled kids gain admission to elite universities.

  The mastermind of the fraud, Ringle cops a plea to save his own hide and shifts the blame to Kip who’s charged with multiple federal crimes. Dr. Melissa Gold, a famed neurologist and Lassiter’s fiancée, supervises experimental treatments intended to keep the ailing lawyer strong enough for a grueling trial. As a fiery showdown looms with Ringle, Lassiter risks everything – including his own life – to keep his nephew out of prison.

  A sneak preview of “Cheater’s Game,” which can be ordered now from Amazon, appears at the end of “Bum Deal” below.

  For Stuart Grossman, trial lawyer extraordinaire and the brother I never had.

  “I’m not moldering. My paint’s not peeling off. I’m good for years!”

  —Henry II in The Lion in Winter

  by James Goldman

  “The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.”

  —Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

  -1-

  Bedroom Games

  The surgeon laced his fingers and cracked his knuckles, a concert pianist preparing to tackle Tchaikovsky. “I could strangle you with one hand, sweetheart.” His voice soft and seductive.

  “You’re pathetic.” She spat out the words. “Worms have more backbone.”

  He wrapped his right hand around her neck, just below the chin. “I’ll shatter your hyoid bone, watch your eyes pop.”

  “Worm!”

  A low growl came from his throat. “I’ll laugh as your tongue shoots out of your filthy mouth. You’ll look like a dead raccoon. Roadkill!”

  “How many men have I screwed since we’ve been married? Take a guess, Dr. Worm.”

  Puzzled, he studied her. Same pouty lips, same dark eyes glistening like hot lava. But the insults? This was something new.

  “Or just count them on your fingers,” she taunted him. “Whoops! You’ll need your toes, too.”

  He blinked. “What’s this? A twist in the game?”

  “Every man better than you.”

  “Getting excited, worm? Going to…?” A guttural sound choked off the words.

  He was becoming aroused, as he figured she wanted. He eased the pressure, let her grab a greedy breath, then squeezed again. Pink streaks colored her cheeks like a sunset over the Gulf.

  “You look lovely, sweetheart,” he said. “No need for blush today.”

  A gurgle came from her throat.

  “Are you ready?” he asked.

  She didn’t answer. Couldn’t answer.

  Three more times, he squeezed and released. The fourth time, he squeezed and didn’t release.

  She lost consciousness, her eyes rolling back in her head.

  It had happened once before. He had used simple CPR—chest compressions and mouth-to-mouth—to revive her. Afterward, her ribs were sore, and bruises the color of eggplants kept her from nude sunbathing for a week.

  He scooped her up and tossed her onto the bed. A 107-pound rag doll. What was that crap about other men? She’d never said anything like that before. It broke the rules—wasn’t part of the game. Why was she trying to provoke him?

  He examined her neck. Red-and-purple striations. She would be furious tomorrow.

  If tomorrow ever came.

  -2-

  The Sunny Side of Justice

  When my cell phone rang, I figured someone was dead.

  Nah, I don’t have ESP. I have caller ID.

  State Attorney Raymond Pincher on the line. That could mean several things, many involving a corpse. Maybe a client of mine, out on bail, was machine-gunning tourists in the Fontainebleau lobby. That’s one of my recurring nightmares.

  Civilians think that criminal defense lawyers are cold-blooded mercenaries, carrying our spears into battle for killers, con men, and crooks of every stripe. But we get the night sweats over the consequences of our actions. Or at least I do.

  “Jake Lassiter, you damn fool!” Pincher greeted me. “What the hell’s wrong with you?”

  “Where oh where should I begin, Ray?”

  We’d been friendly antagonists for years, sparring in court and in the boxing ring at the Riverfront Athletic Club. But no more fisticuffs for me. For the last year, I’ve been under doctors’ orders to avoid blows to the head. Too many concussions going back to my playing days at Penn State, where I was a starting linebacker, and with the Miami Dolphins, where I was an unguided missile on the suicide squads when I wasn’t warming the bench.

  “Phil Flury intends to file a Bar complaint against you,” Pincher said.

  “Aw, let him, the little weasel.”

  I leaned back in my chair and admired the view of a placid Biscayne Bay in the fading light. I was drinking solo on the patio at the Red Fish Grill at Matheson Hammock, a couple miles south of my Coconut Grove home. An easterly breeze kicked up sand from the beach and ruffled the palm trees a few feet from my table.

  I was sipping tequila, Don Julio 1942, and I could feel the warm Mexican sun in my belly, but Pincher was fast becoming Mr. Buzzkill.

  “You punched Flury!” he thundered. “You can’t strike an assistant state attorney, Jake. It’s a felony.”

  “I only poked him with my index finger to make a point.”

  “He’s got a bruise on his chest.”

  “Dainty little thing, isn’t he?”

  My pals Steve Solomon and Victoria Lord were supposed to join me for dinner but, as usual, were late. They had something important to tell me, had even offered to treat me to pan-fried snapper. I assumed the deal also included some top-shelf tequila.

  “Flury thinks you’re psychotic,” P
incher said.

  “He withheld a witness statement favorable to my client.”

  “He denies it.”

  “Lying prick!” I must have raised my voice, because an elderly couple at a nearby table shot me dirty looks. “Flury violated Brady versus Maryland. Ever hear of it, Ray?”

  At the other end of the line, Pincher sighed, then said, “You still undergoing treatment?”

  “Injections of God-knows-what. Plus, hyperbaric oxygen therapy.”

  “So how’s your…?”

  He left it hanging, so I said, “Drain bamage. All gone. I’m tip-top. A-OK. Ready to ride, got a glide in my stride.”

  Deflect and evade. So much simpler than describing all those medical tests and illnesses with unpronounceable names.

  “I never thought you had brain damage,” Pincher said.

  “Excellent news. I’ll fire my doctors and cancel my therapy.”

  “Those symptoms of yours. Irritability. Irrational behavior. Unprovoked anger. That’s not CTE. You’re burned-out—that’s all. You need a change of scenery.”

  I sipped at the tequila. Rich and smooth, liquid gold. Maybe a hint of licorice in the agave. “Burned-out, sure. I’ve been toting my briefcase from courtroom to courtroom for more than twenty years. Who wouldn’t be a little scorched around the edges?”

  “Only because you’ve been on the wrong side too long.”

  “Not my fault most of my clients are guilty.”

  “That sad old song of the defense bar.”

  “If our clients knew our real winning percentage, they’d jump bail and flee to Argentina.”

  “Maybe it’s time to do something about it.”

  “What? Only represent innocent clients? I’d starve. Sure, I’d prefer a cause that’s just, a client I like, and a check that doesn’t bounce. But these days, I’m happy with a client who doesn’t steal the potted ferns in my waiting room.”